Hoax With a Smile
Alan Abel was a professional jazz drummer, comic, writer, campus lecturer, filmmaker, satirist and prankster who made a point in his work of challenging the obvious and uttering the outrageous.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
Joke’s on Us
Alan’s first major hoax, the Society for Indecency to Naked Animals, or SINA, took place in 1959 and enlisted the help of Buck Henry.
It Gets Betta
Yetta Bronstein, a New York grandmother, ran for president on a platform of flouridation, sex education, a national bingo tournament, and replacing congressmen’s salaries with commissions.
Topless String Quartet
Abel formed the first Topless String Quartet. Frank Sinatra offered the lively ensemble a recording contract on his label.
Taxpayer’s Anonymous demands to examine the IRS’s books and records and ordered the government to bring all of its cancelled checks to Abel’s house in Westport.
International Sex Bowl
A large group of reporters were in attendance at the NYC press conference where “Howard Hughes” announced he would be cryogenically frozen and reanimated when the stock market peaked.
Missing 18 1/2 Minutes
Alan Abel posed as a former White House employee who had the infamous 18-and-a-half minute gap missing from the Watergate tapes. He was shocked to find that his tape had also been erased when playing it for reporters and cameramen.
1975 - 1988
Omar’s School for Beggars
Alan created a character named Omar, the founder of a School for Beggars that taught people how to panhandle professionally.
An actor posed as Deep Throat and met with reporters at the Hilton Hotel in New York City to explain his involvement in feeding Woodward and Bernstein information.
A WASP Wedding
Abel orchestrated an elaborate green card wedding between former Ugandan dictator, Idi Amin, and a young White Anglo Saxon Protestant woman.
Oil on the Court
A man named Prince Emir Assad mysteriously appeared in full garb at the Red Cross Pro/Celebrity tennis tournament. He proceeded to play tennis with Penny Marshall, Sonny Bono, and pro players Bill Scanlan and Vijay Amritraj.
Super Bowl XVII
An unofficial official called four plays at Super Bowl XVII before being chased down the sideline by a cop. The cop was an actor too.
Females for Felons
Phil Donahue Faint-In
Iran Contra Affair
Mehdi Bahremani, an Iranian arms merchant who made six million dollars in commission on the sale of U.S. arms to Iran summoned the media to announce that he wanted to give the money back. All major media attended the press conference. The story was never questioned and it wound up on the national news.
KKK Symphony Orchestra
Kidney or Lung
As a favor for a college student looking for work, Alan placed an ad in the Village Voice offering the student’s kidney or lung for $25,000. They were inundated with calls.
Alan formed a fictitious cruise line called Euthanasia Cruise for people who wanted to expire in luxury. Tickets were one-way only.
Alan appeared on the Jenny Jones show with his “wife” who glued his penis to his butt after she found him in bed with another woman.
2000 - 2005
Citizens Against Breastfeeding
Abel founded a conservative group that sought to abolish this act of immoral perversion.
$365 Million Powerball
National Fat Tax
Alan created a faux campaign to label bird watchers as voyeurs. The team protested during the 2008 Democratic campaign and drew more reporters than President-Elect Obama.
Homeland Security Color Levels
Alan staged an informal picketing of the White House to protest Homeland Security’s use of a color code. It left color-blind citizens unprotected.
We have it on good authority that he really died.
Alan Abel’s friend and co-conspirator, Buck Henry, was versatile writer, director and character actor who co-wrote and appeared in “The Graduate, and “Heaven Can Wait.” He also created the classic 1960s spy sitcom “Get Smart” with Mel Brooks. Short and deceptively mild, wearing black-rimmed glasses, Henry was an established film and television writer who became widely recognizable during the early years of “Saturday Night Live.” He hosted numerous times and played such memorable characters as the creepy babysitter Uncle Roy and the father of “Nerd” Bill Murray. His gift for satire and knowledge of current events fit perfectly with the brash outlook of the young cast and writers. “SNL” producer Lorne Michaels would praise Henry for teaching him “a whole other level of things.”
All Profits Go to Charity
LIMIT TWO PER CUSTOMER
A kidney transplant is a surgical procedure that’s done to treat kidney failure. The kidneys filter waste from the blood and remove it from the body through your urine. They also help maintain your body’s fluid and electrolyte balance. If your kidneys stop working, waste builds up in your body and can make you very sick.
$25000 1992 Dollars
LIMIT TWO PER CUSTOMER
Lung transplantation, or pulmonary transplantation, is a surgical procedure in which a patient’s diseased lungs are partially or totally replaced by lungs which come from a donor. Donor lungs can be retrieved from a living donor or a deceased donor.
$25000 1992 Dollars
Look for the SINA Label
Clothes can hide your dog’s body language and you are likely to miss signals he displays when meeting another dog at the park or during a walk. But decency today means morality tomorrow.
There is a long tradition of very specific functional clothing for animals. Ancient Greek armies would put leather boots on the feet of their horses to protect them against snow. Police animals can be dressed in fluorescent covers.
But pants will stop the panting.
Starboard Style: One Million Dollars
Stern Style: One Million Dollars
The Key to Earning Hundreds of Dollars a Week
Omar Rockford, founder of Omar’s School for Beggars, teaches out-of-work men and women how to creatively panhandle for a living. Successful, high-income begging on the streets requires imaginative deception. Omar demonstrates hundreds of foolproof methods in this handbook. You’ve got to have a glib tongue, a sense of urgency and a believable story – also proper dress and courtesy are a must. The first few weeks can be rough, since one isn’t easily adjusted to the embarrassment of being turned down. It takes about a month to become a real pro and practice does make perfect. With this practical guide, you’ll never need to work a real job again.